Today I feel……

Scared, sad and depressed. I was able to make it to work. I have a cough that has been present for over a month. But I AM ALIVE!!! Today is one of those days that I wish I call a friend and grab a meal or do a bit of shopping. As I look around I am surrounded by people but yet I feel alone. I am not afraid to die but I am scared for those I love and the hurt they may feel. My husband Philip is my amazing supporter and a rock when I need him. I better get back to work. Check out this picture of me that Sarah edited of me. Look past the super pale face (my body is shutting down).

What would you do?

What would you do if you were told you its lucky if you live until Christmas? Cry, scream, throw things, try to disconnect from everyone so they are not affected (didn’t work) reconnect with others, tell people more freely that you love them? Well I have done all this and more. I found treatment procedure that can cure me and kill the tumors with a laser type machine. The problem is it will cost upwards of $10k. If you or anyone you know has any idea for me to raise the money, I would love to hear it. This seems like a last ditch effort and I need to do it. I am open to ideas for fund-raising… to help me get my life back. Thanks everyone for all the support! Please email, call or text me. Please I am putting it all out there in hopes that someone has a magic idea! 801-921-0166

Cyber knife Procedure

I found treatment procedure that can cure me and kill the tumors with a laser type machine. The problem is it will cost upwards of $10k. If you or anyone you know has any idea for me to raise the money, I would love to hear it. This seems like a last ditch effort and I need to do it. I am open to ideas for fund-raising… to help me get my life back. Thanks everyone for all the support! Please email, call or text me. 801-921-0166

Update

Ok. Life is so precious. As I reflect on my life I am nagged by remorse
for things I have done, or not done, what a waste of time!People ask me
how I keep my mind so clear and stay as positive as I do. To that I
answer, what other choice do I have? I am thankful for everyday that I
wake up, for a job that is so flexible with me, Vanessa and Jared for
housing us when we had little choice, for my family both blood and
Phil’s family. I love that I can call anyone of them at any given time
and laugh or cry or yell and scream. I am surrounded by amazing people,
and I am reaching out to my many long lost friends! I am blessed to have
faith and not fear in the face of cancer. I have been given so much
support and love that I find it overwhelmingly wonderful. Please take time and count your blessings.love-Derin

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